Winning Entry

Submitted by Lauren Swerdlove of California

How would you like to receive this employee manual when you start a new job? Well, someone actually did. Written in a soapbox-style manner, this handbook dwells on trite issues while failing to mention or define important subjects typically found in employee manuals. Words are used out of context and language is vague or inappropriate, potentially exposing the company to lawsuits. For example, statements implying job security alternate with threats of discharge. The instructions in this manual explain more about how to get fired than about how to succeed at work. Paragraphs and information are mislabeled. For instance, employees are asked to follow "rules" that include stealing, disobedience, and excessive absenteeism (or should they have been termed "actions that may result in termination"?). Formatting issues are no better. The safety rules have two different numbering systems, not to mention some rules that aren't numbered at all. The author summed it up in this self-incriminating line, "Remember workmen compensation insurance was not provided to cover stupidity or incompetents."

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Runner-Up #1

Submitted by Matthew Stern
of California

Try to decipher these instructions. Translations don't get much worse than this. Many of these sentences are made up of random phrases that create no real meaning, the instructions are of little help, and the picture seems to confuse more than clarify.


 



 


Runner-Up #2

Submitted by John Harrington of California

This entry is a nauseating attempt to provide the solution to a 6-color puzzle cube. With black & white illustrations and cryptic language, the reader doesn't have a chance. We're not even sure these instructions were translated into English. Try looking these words up in Webster.

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Honorable Mention #1

Submitted by Stuart Rogers
of Canada

This perplexing excerpt from a well-known printer manufacturer's programming guide was quite surprising.

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Honorable Mention #2

Submitted by Gayle
Croissant-Madden of California

The actual content of this piece is not terrible, but the layout and organization sure are. So, which warning is most important here? Each one screams for attention. The warning had such an impact on the purchaser that she observed, "Apparently my gas logs have turned my home into a death trap."

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Honorable Mention #3

Submitted by Laura Filla
of Kansas

This knife manufacturer went to the trouble of providing illustrations intending to show the consumer how to change the blade, but take a closer look at the pictures. We might forgive a photo that wasn't cropped properly, but these are illustrations. How bizarre!

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